He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
