I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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