addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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