He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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