i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
