I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
