Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
