Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
