it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
