Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
