some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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