you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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