We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He passed out mid-signature
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
