like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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