her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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