I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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