dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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