Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
