I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
