would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
