I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
