Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
