Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
