she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
