She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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