is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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