Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
ttyl tear gas
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
