i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
