you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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