It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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