break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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