Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Rumble strips road head = magical
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
