Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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