mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My liver just had a heart attack.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
