Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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