So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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