The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
