I can text with my tongue
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I need to stop coming to work sober
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
