if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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