ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
