Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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