I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
