I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
