If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
