Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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