I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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