woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
