I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
