We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
