just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
