Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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