im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
