he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I need moral support for this bender
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
