I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
