Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
